Typically, American movies define something as “epic” if it’s physically towering in scale. A gigantic robot heading for a city, for instance. A musical number involving hundreds of dancing extras. An action sequence where on person beats up so many hired goons. In real life, though, the most momentous things are incredibly intimate. A small trinket reminding you of a loved one. A scent that suddenly takes you back to being eight years old in your parents’ living room. A song that everyone knows, yet it sounds like it was written just for you. If I Go Will They Miss Me, Walter Thompson-Hernández’s incredible feature-length directorial debut, is an ode to those tiny, impactful moments of existence. Such moments are realized through immense visual and sonic showmanship. Emotional significance can materialize anywhere. If I Go Will They Miss Me’s sumptuous filmmaking vividly reflects that.
In Watts, Los Angeles, there lives Lil Ant (Bodhi Dell) and his family, mother Lotzita (Danielle Brooks), sister Jenn (Bre-Z), and his father Big Ant (J. Alphonse Nicholson), who just got out of prison. Lil Ant is an artistically inclined youngster who loves drawing, creating crafts, and viewing his parents as figures from Greek mythology. Unfortunately, he also struggles with getting any meaningful connection with his father. Big Ant, who spends much of his days working on his father’s ranch and sneaking away to a mistress, just can’t get invested in his firstborn son. This complicated family life is filtered through recurring doses of magical realism, including a barrage of young people in white shirts that only Lil and Big Ant can see.
One early image immediately solidified that If I Go Will They Miss Me was going to be an all-time great movie in my book. As Lil Ant is regaling viewers with stories about the important people in his life, he begins waxing poetic about his father’s teenage years. The camera then cuts to an old-timey television set with the distant figures of young Big Ant and his two friends on the monitor. As the camera pulls back, the television is revealed to be outside on some train tracks. The shot continues from there, though, and it’s two men proceed to pick up the television and move it off-screen. Turns out this device didn’t even have a monitor inside. Young Big Ant and pals were visible through the void created by the device’s absent screen.
This creative visual is a fantastic way of establishing the past (older technology=flashback) and, via the distance between teenage Big Ant and the camera, communicating how removed Lil Ant is from his father. This child only has stories painting a remote portrait of Big Ant. Plus, it’s just an incredibly smart image to watch constantly evolve. Such impactful and idiosyncratic visuals Walter Thompson-Hernández’s direction and Michael Fernandez’s cinematography. Many of them echo this TV-based image in capturing events through a removed lens. Mirrors, for instance, are used for capturing many especially tortured moments in Lil Ant’s house. Other times, the camera will pull back to evocatively frame people like Big Ant or Lotzita, only partially visible through barely opened doors.
If I Go Will They Miss Me’s imagery also thrives on deeply moving beauty coated in years of lived-in experience and wistfulness. Just look at the sudden cut to Big Ant and Lotzita in their wedding day outfits. As they stare into the camera, covered in radiant attire, Thompson-Hernández’s camera exudes immense poignancy and genuine affection. It feels like the viewer is gazing into the wedding photos of dear loved ones. This flashback’s lucious atmosphere vibrantly communicates, without a word ever being spoken, why Lotzita remains loyal to her husband. There was love here. Their wedding day was defined by joy, not obligation. Memories of that joy compel her to keep going in this relationship. Such immense character-based insightfulness and beauty come impressively naturally to If I Go Will They Miss Me.
Lil Ant’s everyday world in Watts, Los Angeles, is filtered through similar dreamlike, caring means. The latter quality means Thompson-Hernández lingers on even the smallest moments of everyday existence here, like Lotzita boisterously playing Mahjong with relatives, Big Ant chatting with co-workers, or a tender mother/son hug. If I Go Will They Miss Me is a marvel to watch, especially when paired up with the sweeping original score from Malcolm Parsons. Leaning heavily on transportive violin playing and classical instruments, Parsons delivers various original compositions that match the majestic visuals. It’s no wonder Lil Ant is briefly depicted watching a Fantasia segment, since If I Go Will They Miss Me has a similar love for merging classical-sounding music with outstanding images.
This absorbingly intimate production also excels phenomenally showcasing sublime acting. Like the cast members of other features rooted in everyday reality like Bicycle Thieves, the If I Go Will They Miss Me actors immediately register asd tangibly authentic. They’re not Glenn Close in Hillbilly Elegy straining to do a caricature of working-class life. Danielle Brooks, for instance, is outstanding portraying Lozita. Any moment where her character is emotionally vulnerable with her children had me getting choked up. A quiet sequence where Lozita smokes and talks with her sister in the bathroom, though, also shows how Brooks can flourish in this role even when she isn’t acting against Lil Ant. In this interaction, Brooks movingly captures Lozita’s indecision over where she should go next with her life. There’s a jagged uncertainty here that’s as relatable as it is riveting.
J. Alphonse Nicholson, though, proves a breakout star with his work as Big Ant. There’s a moment midway through the film where Nicholson portrays his character stumbling onto the elaborate wings and horse Lil Ant’s made for his class. Curious and impressed by the artistry, Big Ant puts the wings on his hands, smiles, and then playfully flaps them. Momentarily, the sequence will go in a darker direction. In this moment, though, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Nicholson’s heartbreakingly beautiful portrayal of a man finally letting his guard down. All throughout this feature, Nicholson delivers such specific and perceptive glimpses into Big Ant’s mind. In weaker hands, Big Ant could’ve just been an off-putting, aloof father figure. J. Alphonse Nicholson, meanwhile, always makes the character’s complex humanity tangible, even in his most repellent moments.
The richly detailed approach defining Nicholson’s work extends to the entirety of If I Go Will They Miss Me. Even the sound design is remarkable, with the constant roar of airplanes and the distant hum of an ice cream van lending such texture to the area Lil Ant and his family call home. All that artistry means writer/director Walter Thompson-Hernández has delivered a motion picture that at once feels like wandering through a dream, soaking in childhood memories, and observing neo-realism cinema. That sounds paradoxical on paper, but isn’t that what life is? Existence is many contradictions hastily strung together. Cinema should recognize that. Cinema should embrace that. Artists should create melodically sweeping and visually sumptuous odes to that reality, just like If I Go Will They Miss Me.
