The other day, I asked my daughter what she’s looking for in a partner.
Her baseline was clear — somewhat wealthy, easy on the eyes, and decently educated — unspoken but obvious. Beyond that, she wanted someone who shares her love for fitness, food, travel, and fun. Not just someone who’s around, but someone who’s all in.
And it got me thinking — is this generation a little too focused on finding their “match”? Matching hobbies, playlists, political views, even coffee orders?
Because the most successful couples I know rarely resemble each other. In fact, they’re often wildly different.
When Chaos Meets Order
Take a close family we know (names withheld to protect domestic peace). She’s the queen of chaos — a one-woman hurricane of lost keys, forgotten chargers, and impulse-packing. He’s the king of structure — the type who alphabetizes their spices and has backups for his backups.
Every trip begins with familiar drama: frantic yelling, cushions flying, and a desperate search for the “very safe place” she stashed the house key. Eventually, the lock gets broken. Her beautifully embroidered sarees are packed — but the matching blouses? Missing in action.
He, on the other hand, could run a corporate compliance department. Laminated bills from 2012. Colour-coded binders. Paperwork filed so precisely it would impress the Income Tax Department.
But married to someone who believes “filing” means stuffing papers into drawers, and “tidying” means shutting the door on the mess.
And somehow, it works.
Kumbhakaran and the Night Watchman
At home, my husband and I are a walking sleep study in contrasts. I sleep like I’m in a coma — nothing wakes me. Earthquakes, thunderstorms, even a full-blown party upstairs? Not a twitch.
He’s a featherlight sleeper, stirring at the sound of a pin drop or a 0.5° temperature shift. When one of our kids was sick, he’d quietly move to their room — not because he’s more nurturing, but because he knew I wouldn’t wake up even if a marching band paraded through the hallway.
So, we adapted. He’s on night duty — fever checks, mysterious thuds, and curfew surveillance. I handle the morning scramble — forgotten homework, last-minute cramming, and the ever-missing shoe.
We don’t match — we complement. That’s compatibility.
Beauty and the Beast
You know the classic love story — college football captain dates the hottest girl on campus, everyone assumes they’re the perfect pair. Fast forward ten years, and both end up with… well, average-looking spouses. You blink and wonder, “What happened?”
That gorgeous girl might’ve dated Greek god-types who talked only about themselves and their gym routines. But eventually, she stopped wanting a mirror and started wanting a teammate. That “ordinary” guy? Turns out, he’s the emotional Wi-Fi she never knew she needed.
Guys often learn the hard way. The dream girl with killer selfies might be fun for a while — until he finds someone who listens, holds the family together, and doesn’t roll her eyes at his mess. It’s not that beauty and brains can’t coexist — it’s just that when the real stuff counts, lipstick becomes optional.
So next time you spot a “how-did-they-end-up-together?” couple, relax. The answer isn’t always money, blackmail, or astrology. Sometimes, it’s just maturity — and maybe a delicious homemade dal.
Same Genes, Different Planets
Opposites show up in families too.
My husband? Calm, contemplative, powered by tea. He believes in deadlines… eventually. He waits till the fire is halfway through before picking up the bucket.
His brother? Pure espresso energy. Speedy, restless, already ten tasks ahead. If something breaks, he fixes it before you even know it was broken.
One lives in “later,” the other insists on “now.” And yet, they work seamlessly — different temperaments, same respect.
Love Isn’t Matching — It’s Mending
Love isn’t about finding your double- it’s about filling the gaps.
The quiet one balances the noise. The emotional one teaches empathy; the practical one sets boundaries. They frustrate each other, bicker, but also cover for each other in ways that just work. They argue, roll their eyes, and swear, “Next time, I’ll do it myself.” And yet, when life gets tough, they show up for each other — every single time.
Maybe that’s the message for this generation: You don’t need someone just like you. You need someone who balances you — the spender with the miser, the serious with the funny, the early riser with the night owl. Together, you build a life that’s messy, mismatched, but truly whole.
Someone who surprises and frustrates you — yet stays by your side. Because love isn’t about perfection, it’s about patience.
Iti Mattoo, retired after 30 years in the IT industry, now enjoying her creative pursuits.